Welcome to the inside of my head!!!! My journal is a place where I let my thoughts off their leash and they get to run free. Unafraid of what others might think, feel, or say. Here I will be sharing with you everything that is important to me. That could be anything from the state of our beloved planet to my new favorite nail polish. Do your thoughts have a playground where they can let loose and be free? I invite you to "gift" yourself and your thoughts by keeping a journal. You never know what new and fun things you might find in there.Tomiko

2009-03-21

It is with mixed emotions that I share with you that my sweet sister, Shneequa, made her transition on Wednesday, March 18, 2009. They are mixed because I will undoubtedly miss her physical presence, but am overjoyed that she is free of pain and her amazing spirit gets to soar once again.

My family, friends, and I stayed with Shneequa for the 2 days that she was in transition. We laughed, shared, played music and reminisced about her colorful life. She wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

I had the honor of being by her side as she took her last breath. It was beautiful and I am forever changed by the experience. As her nurse said to me, we always celebrate the birth of a child, but we hardly celebrate death. That nurse doesn't know just how much those words touched me. It is because of how Shneequa lived her life and the nurse's words, that my family and I will be celebrating Shneequa's life instead of being consumed with grief. Shneequa wouldn't want it any other way. We'll wear bright colors to both her funeral service in New York and her memorial service in Los Angeles. We'll laugh, share and come together in her honor. It is going to be an amazing send off.

I loved my sister. That goes without saying. She taught me lessons that I still continue to learn. With each passing thought of her, I realize something new and soul-stirring. She lives on in me and the countless others she has touched.

Shneequa passed from complications due to lupus. There has not been a new drug approved to treat lupus in over 50 years!. I ask that you support those suffering from lupus and honor Shneequa by making a donation in her name to the Lupus Foundation of America. Their website is www.lupus.org. I am speaking on behalf of my family and the millions of others when I say that your donation is desperately needed.

Be present with your loved ones. Let them know how much they mean to you. Forgive an old grudge. Eat a big piece of cake. Dance to loud music. Sleep in late. Kiss longer. Give and receive hugs. Watch a butterfly. Color. Play games. LIVE LIFE. It's a gift that just wants to be played with all of the time.

Thank you all for your prayers, support and loving words. My family and I truly appreciate being lifted during this time.

2009-03-15

Goddesses, I am in need of your prayers, love, and support. My sweet sister, Shneequa, is making her transition. As most of you know, Shneequa has battled lupus for the past 12 years. The lupus affected her brain and left her childlike shortly after her diagnosis.

After a 5 month stint at the hospital battling every medical upset thrown at her, her body has decided its had enough. She is gradually and peacefully saying goodbye.

I was torn as to whether I should write about this or not. My head is telling me to keep busy, but my heart and spirit told me to share her story. So I will.

Shneequa is my younger sister. I have been taking care of her since I was about 6 years old. Seriously. Our mother wouldn't have had it any other way. Wherever I went, Shneequa was to go too. We were raised during a time when parents felt safe leaving their young children at home alone. The television was our babysitter. Shneequa and I found countless ways to keep ourselves entertained. We made clothes for our dolls, "camped out" in our bedroom, spent hours at the playground in our building, hung out with our next door neighbors, and ate lots of cereal. Our mother dressed us alike, much to my dismay. All of our outfits were the same, but in different colors. My particular favorite was our candy cotton pink and baby blue terry cloth short sets. The tank tops were the same, but the shorts were either in blue or pink. I can't remember who had what color, but I sure did then. I made sure Shneequa never wore my shorts. I needed to maintain some semblance of individuality. : )

Shneequa attempted to run away from home for some "travesty" our mother committed against her (like making her eat her spinach or take a bath). She couldn't have been older than 6 or 7, but she was angry and she was going to show our mom she was not to be messed with. She packed her little clothes up and got as far as our next door neighbor's apartment (we lived in a high rise building and each floor had 10 apartments on it). She literally "ran" about 20 feet. HA! When our neighbor knocked on the door to return her to our mother, my mother said they could keep her. HA again! You should have seen Shneequa's face! Priceless! Our mom eventually let her back in and you can believe she never ran away again.

We had the typical teenage sister dislike for each other. I'd hide my clothes and she'd find them and wear them. I was the goody two-shoes (or so they thought) and she was the outright rebel. I excelled at school and she struggled. We were like night and day.

But she was and is my sister. My baby sister, Shneequa. As much as I despised being responsible for her when we were young, I thought she was the cutest thing. As much as I did everything I could to be the "good" daughter, I secretly admired her strong personality. As much as I kept to the straight and narrow, I truly envied her freedom.

I am at peace with Shneequa making her transition. In my heart, I know that all that could be done, has been done. By me, by her doctors, by our family and by Shneequa herself. My heart warms at the thought of her being welcomed into the afterlife by our family that has already transitioned. Our mother, grandmother, grandfather, great-grandmother, stepmother, aunts, and so on. They will be there for her and she will be at peace.

The lesson here is to cherish your loved ones and cherish life. We tend to get caught up in the struggle that life sometimes throws our way. We tend to hold grudges towards those we perceived as having wronged us. We tend to stay stuck in situations that don't nurture our spirit. We tend to play small for fear of failure or expectation.

Shneequa has taught me to be bold. That I am stronger than I ever thought. She's taught me to laugh and allow my inner child room to play. She's showed me that only we can decide who we are and not to be defined by others. She's given me years of beautiful memories to reflect upon with joy. She has taught me that I matter.

I release my sister knowing that her work here is done. She has served a purpose greater than she could have ever imagined. She has changed lives and enlightened spirits.

Thank you all for the continued prayers for my family and I. Please continue to hold Shneequa and her loved ones in the light. Send special vibrations to her son, Tristan. He is strong young man and is growing stronger everyday.

But please don't be sad for her or us. We are blessed to have had Shneequa in our lives and for that we are ever grateful. We will celebrate her life and continue to live inspired by her spirit!

Thank you.

2009-03-03

I'm at the airport in Washington, DC on my way back to Los Angeles. It has been a whirlwind of activity over the past several days. I facilitated the LA Gathering on Saturday. Jumped on a red-eye to Washington, DC to host our first Gathering in the area on Sunday. Then I took part in two days of Advocacy Day events with the Lupus Foundation of America. Honestly, I am exhausted.

Yet, as tired as I am, I am exhilarated because of the wonderful women I've met and spent time with over the past few days. From my Gathering Coordinator, who has proven herself to be invaluable, to the LA Goddesses who are the wind beneath my wings, to the new Goddesses in DC who allowed themselves the space to just BE, to the wonderful women (and men) at the Lupus Foundation who continue to inspire me with their determination and resilience.

I found myself having many intimate conversations with women during this trip. It was as if I was on an "empowerment mission". Everywhere I went, I had the opportunity to "Goddess" women. It was so wonderful to connect with these women and offer them what I hope were words of encouragement and learn from them as well. What I found is that women, in general, are unaware of their potential and worth. That makes me sad, but inspires me to continue doing what I'm doing.

My goal is that every woman know that she is a Goddess. She may not feel that is the truth for her given her present circumstances, but the Goddess Gathering and I want to show her there is another way. We want women to know that there IS a Goddess in there.....there really is!

I understand completely that life tosses us around at times. We feel like we've been dealt a bad hand when it comes to family, relationships, careers, body image, money, etc. But I've found that we can keep ourselves stuck by THINKING that what is so has to remain so. The solution is sometimes as simple as changing our thinking and changing the rules. If what is presently in our lives isn't working, it may be time for a change. Now I'm not suggesting you do anything drastic like end your marriage or leave your job. What I am suggesting is that you change how you think about it and take control.

Or if you're not in touch with your inner Goddess for any number of reasons, you can change that by thinking like and being the Goddess you KNOW you really are. We spend so much time thinking and living all of the negative stuff and that seems to come so easily to us. But when we're lovingly challenged to think and live positively, we fight it. We don't THINK it's possible, so it's not. That's gotta stop.

You have my word. You are a Goddess. I may not even know you and I can firmly claim that to be your truth. But my knowing it will only do so much good. YOU have to know this for yourself. Do what it takes to unearth your inner Goddess. Talk to a professional, join the gym, confront a loved one, change jobs, etc. Your inner Goddess is ready to come out and shine. She's ready for a change. She's ready to dance, sing, play, love and live.

BE a Goddess who tosses life around, not the other way around. Use life for all of the wondrous and juicy things it has to offer. It's right there for you.

You're not in this alone. Your Goddess sisters and I are here to help you spread your wings.