Welcome to the inside of my head!!!! My journal is a place where I let my thoughts off their leash and they get to run free. Unafraid of what others might think, feel, or say. Here I will be sharing with you everything that is important to me. That could be anything from the state of our beloved planet to my new favorite nail polish. Do your thoughts have a playground where they can let loose and be free? I invite you to "gift" yourself and your thoughts by keeping a journal. You never know what new and fun things you might find in there.Tomiko

2009-02-22

what happened to us? why are we so fearful to try, be, do or have?
what was that traumatic experience that to this day keeps us frozen in mediocrity?

why are we so afraid?

afraid to succeed
afraid to fail
afraid to love
afraid to explore
afraid to play
afraid to forgive
afraid to...........

if we truly understood the purpose of our being here, we would live life full out. we would wring every last delicious drop from this playground called life. we would embrace every experience, good, bad or otherwise and use it to water the seed of our existence. we would know down to the depths of our core that we were made to manifest all that is wondrous in this world.

but someone once told us no. or told us we weren't good enough. or called us ugly. or laughed at us. or didn't love us the "right" way. or left us. or didn't do enough. or, or, or.......

fear is normal. courage is extraordinary. fear keeps you stuck. courage gives you wings to soar over any seeming obstacle. fear keeps you small. courage makes you a giant among giants.

why are we afraid?

we cannot fail. if the thing we want doesn't come to fruition, it wasn't meant to be. not getting that person, place or thing is not a failure. it's just how life goes sometimes. the journey to that realization is what life is about.

fall down. have your heart broken. allow yourself to get tossed around by life. do so knowing that you will land on your feet. that is your divine right. don't let fear keep you from living.

you have unseen support. you have guidance from the heavens. you have the light of the universe on your side.

why are we afraid?

if no one has told you this in your life, let me be the first. you are capable of achieving greatness beyond your wildest dreams. believe you can and you will. believe you can't and you will as well.

fear no longer. act, trust, know, believe and live.

2009-02-14

As I sit in my office, I can't help but get just a bit overwhelmed at all of the STUFF. I have all kinds of things going on and it's gotten a bit out of hand. I'm sure most, if not all, of you can relate to that.

Why do we women do so much???

I tend to live with the philosophy that life is to be lived. That I am supposed to do alot in this lifetime. It is a gift from the universe when I'm able to learn something new, or spend time with loved ones, or travel to exotic locations, or eat wonderful meals, or read great books, or, or, or...... You get my point. I like to do alot because I want to squeeze every last drop out of life.

Then why do I feel tired and overwhelmed at times? Wasn't I the one who chose to do all that I am doing? No one is forcing me to handle everything on my plate.

I've come to realize that I have "Super Woman Syndrome". Now, I just made up that title, but it seems to fit. We women are so afraid of being labeled as inferior or less than, that we take on much more than we can truly handle. This is not to say that we can't handle it. Because we all know that we women can and will handle everything thrown our way. That's just how we're made. But we sometimes add to our own already full plate just for the sake of.......what? Looking busy? Feeling important? Overcompensating? Lack of focus? Boredom?

I am really sitting with that question right now. Why do I always have such a full plate? What is the payoff? I can honestly say that everything I'm currently involved in fulfills me. Nothing I'm doing is a "should". I am in acting and on-air hosting classes. Love those. I continue to run and facilitate the Goddess Gathering. Love that. I am rebuilding and recreating my modeling career. Love that. I am creating projects that will build on my brand as a Women's Empowerment Advocate. Love that. I am spending time with family and friends. Love that. I am truly at peace with and inspired by all that I am doing and being.

Yet, I can't help but wonder if having so many things on my plate hinders any one of them being fully realized. Ahhh, I think I'm on to something. The truth is finding its way to the surface. Okay, let me see where this goes.....

If I (feel free to insert your name here) am "trying" to give 100% to several different things, am I really able to? It only makes sense that something will fall short. That something could be me? Wow! Lightbulb moment here. Even though I am happily doing all that I am doing, I can't possibly give my ALL to each and every one of them without exhausting myself. Something has to give. This "Super Woman Syndrome" is sneaky. It can mask itself so that you actually feel guilty when you realize that you need to slow down. You begin to question your commitment to whatever it is that you're working on. Again, Wow!

So what is the answer here? How do I continue living my life to the fullest, doing and being all of the things that I genuinely want to do and be, but maintain a sense of inner peace about all of it?

I think the answer is to go at my own pace and be okay with removing an item from my list. Doing so doesn't make me a failure or a quitter. Doing so actually empowers me because I am choosing to do so of my own free will. There are no shoulds, no guilt, no pressure - just me honoring me.

Now the question is, what do I remove? Ugh? Just because we have the answer doesn't mean making the choice is any easier. For now, I'm going to step away from the computer because my "Super Woman Syndrome" is beginning to act up. : )

2009-02-04

I've been feeling exceptionally great lately! My mind, body and spirit are all more alive than I can ever remember them being. I'm working out and loving it. I'm eating better and loving it. I am so centered in my spiritual beliefs that I can't believe I ever felt differently. Plus, I am happily burning the candles at both ends when it comes to my career and my future professional goals. Basically, I am on fire! : )

But it hasn't always been this way. Which is why I can see the beauty in it all. Over the past 2 years or so, I have been in and out of a very dark place (more in than I'd care to admit). Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. You name it and it was happening in my life. My career had stalled. My sister's health took a turn for the worse. I had some pretty serious health issues to deal with. I wasn't working out or eating right. I had grown bitter about life and humankind. My marriage wasn't as "shiny" as it once was. It was not pretty - at all.

I hated feeling the way I was feeling. It was hard to get up in the morning and stay motivated throughout the day. I guess some would say that I was depressed. What? Me? Miss Happy Go Lucky? Yes, I was depressed and I couldn't stand it.

Once I realized that I was indeed depressed, that depressed me even more! Wasn't I stronger than this? Didn't I know better? Hadn't I read all of the self help books ever written? How could I be depressed?

After my initial "I can't be depressed" tirade, I realized that I needed to take action. How I was being wasn't working for me, my marriage, my friends, my career, etc. I was the only one who could kick me in the booty and get me back on my feet.

Over the course of the past 2 years, I have sought the help of a professional to deal with my depression. I have revisited my spiritual self via books, classes, church, and family. I have decided to be a "Yes" to life. I choose to create my reality instead of letting it happen to me. I wake up thankful everyday for the blessings in my life. I anticipate and expect great things to happen in my life and they do. All I had to do was change my thoughts. It was as simple as that.

Our thoughts create our reality and I was creating a pretty miserable reality. Once I realized that, I was very aware of the thoughts I was thinking. Now I wasn't being all "pollyanna" and unrealistic about life. Not so great things were still happening, but I was in control of how I responded to them. Even something as serious as my sister's declining health didn't knock me down as it once did. I truly believe that part of her miraculous healing is due to those around her "thinking" her well.

You know what? Going through the darkness was actually a good thing. I couldn't have come to this amazing time in my life had I not gone through the dark time. I don't think I would be as appreciative of my current life if I hadn't sunk to the depths of depression. Now I'm not suggesting that we willingly allow ourselves to get depressed. But if you find yourself there, like I did, take the blessed opportunity to make a change for the better. Look for the lesson and blessings and then move forward.

I am back from the darkness and life is great!